Dear Diary,
Today I saw on the news everything I hoped to see: The United Nations immediately recognized the dire threat this napkin shortage posed to the free world and sanctioned all countries who produce messy foods. The only nation that has not been sanctioned is Finland, because they only have fish. 45 minutes after the sanctions were imposed, the world leaders recognized that their sanctions didn’t do squat, and their upper body needed work too. Reports soon arrived that throughout the world people were laying waste to the few remaining napkin supplies.
With all of the world’s napkins depleted, my evil plan may begin to unravel: now Kim Jong-un will finally have a moment to shine.
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