Dear Diary,
I purchased Borders for free. It totally went bankrupt. It’ll be the perfect fixer-upper. I have kept the lemonade stand going, except I now charge $1.50 for bathroom usage. The ‘customers’ notice this only once it’s too late. Those fools just rush in to Borders. Once I have them in the Borders, I offer free steak and grill rights to all men, but give them no utensils. Once they begin grilling, they fear they’ll waste a perfectly good steak without tools to flip or remove the steak. Then the men usually try to quickly go loot a spatula from someplace else before the steak burns. But I’ve installed a 20 MPH moving sidewalk leading away from the exit. Only then the men give up and purchase one of my many available spatulas for $275. For women, my business model is a much simpler formula: cheap stuff + One Direction sticker + $50 markup= $50 profit.
Even better, Borders never gets looted because the mobs always see the free lemonade stand first and are then forced to wait in a very orderly line for the Borders bathrooms. I believe this business is working well- I have made $471 billion this week, even if most of it is in quarters. Also, I am the last business standing on Earth, so naturally I have all the money. Now… what to do with it? Here’s a hint: non-barter transactions such as buying or selling goods and services.
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