Dear Diary,
Respectfully observed today as a day of rest. To relax I turned on the TV I received from one of the Borders customers in return for a spatula, and guess what I saw, Diary- Friends was on. Somehow- this blows my mind- even with all companies destroyed across the planet, Friends is still running on NBC. They must’ve programmed it there permanently, because the NBC headquarters was set afire on Oct. 27th, Dec. 14th, and three and a half times on Jan. 9th. And that was before these riots even began.
There is currently nothing I need to do in my plan since the construction of Guantanamo Bay’s $750,000 soccer field has been cancelled (all of phase 9 was devoted to stopping this, but a relatively unknown company known as Garling Construction ran out of grass seed and stopped building all by themselves). With nothing evil left to do for phase 9, I knew I had to do something that could count as runner-up evil, so I watched 11 hours of Friends. What could be worse, Diary. What could be worse.
Anyways, I’ve gained all the Monopoly boxes and jellybeans (I mean money) in the world, as well as all of the power. But there’s something missing- I need to gain celebrity status. Today’s my day off, so we’ll try that tomfoolery tomorrow.
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