Dear Diary,
The last week has been a great success. All people who were known owners of napkins have been condemned in my series of speeches on YoutwitterbookDeere-IHFaceNorthAmazonGoogle.comnet (can’t believe only 2 years ago there was only askjeeves.) The video series skyrockets to 1.1 trillion views apiece through strategic use of cynical cats, puppies sleeping in relatively small objects, and repeated use of the words ‘we should’. Although I am pretty sure there are no napkins left in the world, I’ve claimed that there are people still hoarding them somewhere, and they should be stopped. They are supposedly people who have A) worn a necktie before, B) read books on purpose, or C) had something to do with The Teletubbies (while we’re on a roll, I might as well do away with a show that has nothing to teach kids). After learning this, the crowds immediately dispersed to go destroy and loot their way through what I’d suspect is every building in civilization. Realizing there would soon be little left to loot for myself, I decided to rush to all the places I wanted to go before they were devastated by others. Through an intense series of traffic violations, I made it to city park before the others arrived.
Fed the ducks and reflected on my place in the universe while humming the chorus to Steam’s Sha Na Na.
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